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Looking for girlfriend > Looking for boyfriend > My boyfriend wants me to get a better job

My boyfriend wants me to get a better job

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Jordan, 28, is an accountant who lives in Boston. The experience made her think about their future. How can she reconcile this? Should she nip this relationship in the bud, or figure out how to change her attitude?

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My Boyfriend Wants Me to Get A Higher Degree And Earn More Money.

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My girlfriend and I have been together for three years, and we are very happily deeply committed. We live together, split rent, have cats, are both on the lease, that kind of thing. We talk openly about money, and while we live in one of the most expensive cities in the states, we do an alright job saving while also having fun money. My girlfriend works in tech. The problem is that she is very shy, hard on herself, and resistant to change.

She hates applying to jobs and says no one wants to hire her. She also feels comfortable with her coworkers, and not too stressed out by the work. She also is annoyed by the content of the work itself, which we both agree is much more customer service oriented than she would like in a position. Instead, she took another lateral job in the same company. How do I have conversations with her about careers being things that make you uncomfortable sometimes, and not make it all about money?

But in this case, I would change your goal. And any chance that you may have inadvertently made it hard for her to tell you that? If she does end up doing it, great — there will be extra money coming in. But right now, her lack of action on the job search front is making you antsy and stressed and probably causing tension between you. Excellent advice from AAM here, OP, and I hope you are able to use it to have a meaningful conversation with your girlfriend.

You should, however, be prepared for nothing changing — or at least for nothing changing in the way you would like it to. It reminded me way too much of my parents checking up on applications after I had graduated college and berating me for only applying for a handful of jobs that week instead of every job opening out there.

Also, OP should be taking those LinkedIn emails from recruiters with a large grain of salt. Yep, I was thinking a fair number of them are probably scams or spam. Yes, I agree. Yes, this has been my experience as well. It seems like a lot of recruiters just looking to fill positions and contacting whoever they stumble across. OP, you need to back up, like, fifty feet here. There is absolutely no rational reason to be burned up because your girlfriend has not decided to follow through on your plan for her, especially when your plan for her is the result of your decision about your own career.

Even if those decisions are, in your view, wise and for the long-term benefit of you both. The full story, which I left out of the email for brevity, is that we were scheduled to deploy together for the Peace Corps last summer. When that was cancelled at the last minute, I wanted to travel.

Her compromise was that we stay in our city, I apply to and attend grad school, then she pursues her Phd. Part of the deal is that I go first so I can make more money to support her more when she takes her turn, AND that she would get higher paying work while I was in school.

Thanks for clarifying. Do you actually know that going to school is going to give you a better leg up or more money? Money is important, but what if she takes a higher paying job that makes her miserable or in a place that is toxic? A lot of people in my industry are competing for jobs at my level, but even then, most of the LinkedIn messages I receive are crap.

As far as the former coworkers, it depends. If they were team members, they could just really have liked her.

My industry is notorious for having work friends try to poach former work friends to come work with them again. Based on my experience with this I would assume that your initial reading of her LinkedIn contact is correct. TBH I was reminded of my parents telling me I was being down on myself and too insecure for having realistic expectations. If Girlfriend is fine with it than it must work for them.

Having said that, I think that OP would be happier if he? Whether your significant other minds or not, I think you should have higher standards for yourself. Yeah, I had an ex that relied on me to help him with job stuff, I had more experience than he did and parents with more realistic advice. I never know what the best way is to handle it when the gender is unknown. In any case, thanks for correcting me. But I agree that he should be prepared for nothing to chance, and come to terms with his feelings about that.

Yes, it is truly not a reflection of my best self that I check her email sometimes. I try my best to keep what I learn through that in a separate box than the mechanics of our relationship.

Is she automatically signed in, or do you know her password? You can remove the temptation if she changes her password. Yes, but WHY are you checking it? Do you not trust her to tell you the truth? But apparently she is not telling the truth as she is claiming to have applied for hundreds of jobs, while reality is only reflecting that she applied for a few. Eh, it depends on if she was exaggerating. Yes, I should and I will. It comes from a point where we were both applying to jobs and I was using a spreadsheet to track the I applied to in three months.

You can work on your career a lot without applying to more jobs. You can learn more on the job, you can increase responsibilities, you can cross-train, you can take various training certificates, etc. Leveling up in your career while staying in your current job is totally doable, especially in IT when there are always more systems to learn.

And as AAM gently pointed out, you should think very hard about why your girlfriend is not being honest with you. OP, I hate to be harsh but this is where you need to focus your attention. And you know, fair. I think all relationships, like careers, are built on some degree of compromise. And I need to figure out how to communicate with her in ways that makes the truth possible. This might be causing her a lot of unhappiness.

She might also be trying to kick the conversation of reckoning down the road because she feels like she might disappoint you. I think if you backed off a little, she might be more comfortable discussing this all with you. The other thing I wanted to suggest was to reframe your point of view. Happiness is not always something that is rational, but it is immensely valuable.

If your GF is happy in her job, that seems like something worth compromising on. Are you able to work at all during school to offset some of this earnings loss?

Can she take on a side gig, tutoring or something like that? We generally reach consensus over the course of a couple of weeks to a month.

Hey OP, I really, really recommend couple counselling. My partner was completely freaked out that I was going to leave her, when I suggested it, but it was SO useful — and my lovely, freaked-out, introvert partner found having a neutral third party was really helpful to her, especially helping her unravel things she was finding hard to say.

It was the best thing we did as a couple, and the things we learned still help us, years later. My wife and I both just found new jobs after a move, and we applied in very different ways. She has a particular set of skills that are widely sought after and needed in many different organizations, and so she applied to a lot of jobs for which she was qualified.

I was coming out of grad school with a really strong resume for a very narrow set of jobs, and I think I ended up applying for 5 jobs total. I got offers at two of them and heard back from a third after I accepted my current job and a fourth was in a different department at my new employer. I would like to add… people vary widely on changing jobs. My father stayed somewhere for 10 years and was unhappy, but also uncomfortable job searching. That seems crazy to me; but he was very comfortable and job searching made him uncomfortable.

A bar etiquette column that evolved into a dating advice column, co-authored with a friend. My greatest body of work ever sadly no longer online.

I just checked to see how much was archived, and for some reason it only has the home page now it used to have the whole thing. I do, however, have the entire site stored on my computer somewhere. Too late for this year, but maybe next year on April 1 you can publish one of your favorite dating advice letters to give us a taste of an alternate universe where you stuck with giving relationships advice instead of going into workplace advice.

Job searching and moving to a new job is a risk also an opportunity and some people are very risk-averse. Plus, a crappy job might have great benefits, a short commute, a flexible schedule, a reliable hour work week, or a really high salary.

All the pros and cons will be weighted differently depending on the individual, their geography, their life stage, etc. Op says girlfriend wants to go back to school next year. I agree with Alison. So having that budget discussion so you can plan how you will handle money for the next couple years may bring into perspective for her just how tight things might get which may be enough to spur her into action.

I can relate to your girlfriend in that I can be slow to change and somewhat self-doubting about improving my personal situation, but I find when it becomes abundantly clear that something needs to happen, down to the wire even, that is often enough to really get me moving on making the changes I need to. Worth considering, definitely — I just would prepare for the likelihood of it not panning out. Companies that underpay in IT especially underpaying women generally know they underpay and just count on getting low experience people passing through.

They rarely see the light and decide to pay someone what they are worth. Always remember that money is for living; it should allow you to do the thing that make you happy, not be a pursuit for its own sake. It could be that your girlfriend is happier earning less and not having to search for a job.

Supporting a Spouse or Partner who has Relocated for Your Career

I am 40 years old, started dating a gentleman, age 50, about six months ago. I feel that I have lots in common with him, and can truly say he is my biggest love that I ever could experience in my life. He has a Doctorate degree, and I have an associate degree. He says he is worried about getting older and fears not having enough money to support himself. He wants someone who can bring home a yearly salary of about 70K.

How do I get my husband to stop telling me that I make too little money? I am a full-time copy editor at a magazine, making what copy editors make when they first start out in their careers.

Mary E. Carolyn Hondo , Mary E. Gardiner , Yolanda Sapien. This book affords Latino high school dropouts from rural communities in Idaho the opportunity to tell their stories in their own words.

He wants me to find a new job, and make more.. UPDATE!!! middle of the page

Money is a hot-button issue in most marriages, but the it tends to really hit a nerve where individual income is concerned. If your spouse wants you to earn a better salary, there are probably multiple reasons for this—and you might need to dig deep to pinpoint some of them. A great place to start exploring your differing viewpoints is to try to understand where your spouse is coming from. Did your spouse come from a family of origin that placed a high value on material possessions, job security, or a certain income level? Does he or she want a higher level of income for more freedom, more opportunities, or the chance to travel and have experiences that require extra money? Is he or she hoping to spend more time at home with the children? Or does your spouse want to pursue a degree that requires him or her to work fewer hours in the meantime? Now that you know where his or her mind is, you can make your case more effectively.

Is It Terrible to Want My Boyfriend to Make More Money?

Christina, 29, has been with her serious boyfriend for several years. Whenever they go anywhere, she now pays for them both. This could go one of two ways: It could be the catalyst for your breakup, or it could be the first major challenge that you and your boyfriend get through together. Neither will be fun or sexy.

I make my living flying around the world, talking to women about how to take control of their money so they can afford their dream life. At 25 years old, Martin Dasko had his financial life in order — until his love life got in the way.

Sometimes you run into a problem so tough, so awkward, so infuriating, you have to assemble all your best and brightest friends to vent, commiserate and figure it out. I am uncomfortable when it comes to deciding the line between indulgence vs. Is buying the fancy olive oil too much of an indulgence? Should I feel guilty about buying good seats instead of the cheap seats for one of my favorite bands?

Help! My Spouse Wants Me to Make More Money

I have been at my current job going on five months now. When I started here, I was making sixteen dollars per hour. My boss, is not the greates boss; but not the worst. He is not fun to deal with, but I deal with him and move along.

Here are some steps to consider taking whether you're searching for a job, need gig work quickly or have been asked to work from home. Many employers are hiring now to fill urgent talent needs. Here's our list of companies hiring now. As our daily lives shift with the spread of COVID, you may require the support of unemployment benefits. Here are several steps you can take to find the help you need when leaving a job.

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My girlfriend and I have been together for three years, and we are very happily deeply committed. We live together, split rent, have cats, are both on the lease, that kind of thing. We talk openly about money, and while we live in one of the most expensive cities in the states, we do an alright job saving while also having fun money. My girlfriend works in tech. The problem is that she is very shy, hard on herself, and resistant to change.

Feb 23, - As I promised you all, and my boyfriend, I have been applying to jobs. things, and I feel he should run his business in a different, better way.

At some point in your career, you may be faced with a choice of whether or not to relocate to a new city, state or even across the country for your work. In the corporate world, where takeovers and reorganizations are a fact of life, this is often a reality. Even if you never find yourself forced to move for your current job, you may choose relocation as a way to follow a new career path or move up in your company.

Husband wants me to earn more money.....

By Guest -yoo-, April 16, in soompi hangout. I know it's not a lot but he keeps on stressing me and telling me to get a better degree so I can get a better job. He feels like if I continue with that career, it wouldn't help me to be financially stable in the future.

My boyfriend wants to pay my rent

The problem is, he has no idea what he wants to do with his life. Whenever I bring up the subject he gets really defensive and even aggressive. I want him to plan for the future, hopefully OUR future, but at the same time, I refuse to play the role of his mother and tell him what to do with his life. Please help!

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My husband thinks I should make more money

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My Boyfriend Can’t Find a Job and It’s Driving Me Nuts!

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